Bellamy

Currently listening to "In the Waiting Line" by Zero 7. I feel like I'm floating over rooftops when I listen to this song. The lines that define me no longer exist and my skin's a'tingling.

If there's anything of substantial value I've learned since leaving the motherhouse, it's that a person, no matter how iron-willed or uncompromising, will never truthfully know how she will act in a situation unless she personally experiences it. I remember when I expressed that sometimes you have to go against what you think you believe in to find out what it is you really believe in. I stand by my statement. Does this necessarily make you weak? Yes and no. You're giving yourself an excuse to do something you initially considered wrong because now you're curious, you're tempted, and in this manner, you're almost self-forced. You're making a rash, wanton decision, relative to the time you've repeatedly told yourself what you're doing is base to the point of blasphemy. At the same time, you're brave enough to explore outside your haven of safety. You're making a rash, wanton decision, but when else will you get a chance to do this? Carpe diem while the day is light. In this case, action itself is not the ultimate difficulty. The ultimate difficulty is the realization, the evaluation, the consequence. If you discover something 'unseemly' about yourself you never knew, you have to be ready to admit and accept it. At this point, Bellamy, there's no looking back. "What's done is done" - never regret anything, take every choice you make into your heart and nourish it with your blood and soul. At this moment you will know what it is you really believe in.

Tactfully,
T.J.